Greetings fellow musers! I know it's been awhile since I last blogged. So much has been happening in the world since we last chatted. Respectfully, the BLM movement is in full swing and strong. World and domestic politics are being discussed loudly, and of course, the world pandemic, Covid 19. I am not an expert on any of those topics, though I continue to listen, and to learn, unlearn, and participate where I can for now.
One thing in common is that the volatility of all these subjects has people feeling anxious, fearful, and overwhelmed. Loss is occurring in so many lanes. Jobs, time with family and friends, incomes, schooling and just being able to hug our loved ones has been altered significantly. The familiarity with which we all moved through our daily lives has changed as well ( Imagine walking into a bank 6 months ago with a mask on ). I am living this angst myself right now, as I haven't seen our sweet Sam (grandson), my daughter, and her fiancè since February. He is changing daily and I feel so far away. My other daughter and her partner just left to return to Ontario and the unknown of when we will see them again weighs heavy. My job is on hold due to my husband having health risks. Fear, heightened anxiety and worry are not discriminatory; most of us are feeling these things. I knew I had to start carving out something for myself that would help me navigate this unprecedented time. Creating space for ourselves to get grounded so that we can be there in meaningful ways for those we love, is more important than ever. So, let's talk about sacred space. The word sacred elevates the word space to mean entitled to and worthy of reverence and respect, highly valued and important. Physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual space. Each with their unique place in our lives.
As I started researching sacred space, many definitions referred to religious and historical locations. And while I don't dispute the sacredness of these places, this is not what I am speaking about, here. I'm talking about the sacred spaces we consciously create for ourselves. And why it is so important for us to do this work.
Physical Sacred Space ~ The mere act of creating a sacred space for yourself is an expression of self-love and compassion. It communicates a couple of important messages to your heart, soul, and mind. One, "I am first and foremost an individual in this world, and I want to see myself reflected in the most honest, true and lovely of ways." And secondly, "I am worthy of some space of my own." We have multiple roles that we live each day. Professions, relationships, children, taking care of aging parents, caregiving; the list seems endless. And as time moves on, the radiance and truth of ourselves can often become obscured and frankly forgotten as we try to balance all those different spheres.
In each of those roles/identities, we are usually connected to others. We have shared common goals, beliefs, responsibilities. So, if you look at your own life today, how do you honor yourself as just YOU? Away from others and those connected roles? As yourself; not as someone's wife/lover, your child(ren)'s mother, a company's CEO. What time do you carve out for your individual pursuits? Solitude, time to think, to just be and play? Space to engage in creativity and explore your interests? And where do you execute this time? In your home, do you have a little spot that you can call your own? Or a spot that even though you share with others, can become your own for a period of uninterrupted time? Do you have a beach, a forest, other outside places where you can go and surround yourself with a few items that make it yours, and sacred? A candle, some music on your headphones, a journal? All valid, and worthy of calling your personal and sacred physical spaces, simply because you created them, and deemed them so.
For me, it is a critical gift that I have given to myself. It is a space that I am shaping, where I can work, and/or "be", surrounded by different elements that speak to my senses. Flowers show up on my desk now. soft jazz plays. Candles everywhere! Love me some candlelight. A picture of me at 18 months ( to keep me connected to that inner child), a photo of my children and husband. A hot cup of tea or coffee, and wine too when it suits my fancy. I have positioned my desk to look out over the lake and forest. I can hear the birds and the sounds of laughter coming from the lake. A special soft and cozy blanket my girls bought me. The mat that I sit and meditate and do yoga on. Slowly but surely it is coming together. And it feeds all my senses. Stop reading for a moment. Sit back and close your eyes for a few minutes. What would your space look like? It doesn't have to be big. It doesn't even need to be a room of one's own. It doesn't have to be indoors/outdoors. It only needs to be a space that you occupy, that soothes your soul, feels safe, and you can be your true self in. It has to have all the parameters that only you set for it. I have just started this process myself and what makes it sacred to me, is the importance I give it. The work it takes to create it, and the time I take to ensure it reflects me, at the heart of myself. So that I can be in the world and all its glory, while being myself, in all of mine. It has changed daily, and I would say it will continue to, as I transform, grow, and change. I will add or remove elements as I need. Start small and simple. As I began creating my physical personal space, I promised myself to use only what I already have in the house, or outside. It doesn't need to be elaborate. Just yours.
An important parameter around your physical space, that you may want to add, is boundaries. Many religious sacred spaces have boundaries, such as roped off areas where the general public cannot enter, or even security guards, to preserve the sanctity of them. I would encourage you to create boundaries around your space. And unapologetically run your own security detail to protect it! A verbal understanding with others you reside with, that when you are in your space, you are not to be disturbed for an agreed-upon amount of time. Perhaps no electronics. Could you add a 'no shoulds' or 'must do's' rule while in your space? Again, what makes this sacred, is that you determine your boundaries, and set it up according to YOU, and what you need and desire.
I know this can be difficult, as we have been inundated with negative messaging around this. "She's so selfish and so self-focused." "Who does she think she is?" "Imagine, demanding time and space for just her, at the expense of her family and friends." All tapping into those feelings of unworthiness and self-limiting beliefs that we carry like lifelong backpacks that we never put down for fear of being found out and labeled not enough, too much, too loud, too quiet, too skinny, too fat, too everything! Working on our awareness, our personal growth, and tackling these things is a lifelong journey. Not meant to be solved instantaneously, but instead to perhaps see ourselves as forever learners. Digging deeper, allowing time for changes to integrate, being open. And a beautiful way to step into that self-honoring practice is to create a physical sacred space of your own, where you can start exploring who you truly are, at the heart of yourself. Your own space to let it all go, or take it all in. To be. And to live your truth.
If space is short, maybe consider creating an "on the move" basket, that you can fill with a few things you adore...a candle, a book, a special pen and notepaper, your journal, and a fav pic or two, along with a favorite artifact. If no basket, maybe wrap it up in your fav throw, and tie it up in a bundle and store it in your closet so you can pick it up and take it with you to a quiet spot in the house or outdoors when the time presents itself. Walk around your house with this lens on, and you will be surprised what you can find. You are worthy of creating this for yourself and naming it as your own sacred space.
Mental Sacred Space ~ This space is a little more tricky for me. I recently learned to name my very busy mind, a "monkey brain"! The imagery of this adequately depicts my mental process. I learned that we have over 80,000 thoughts each day....80,000! And unless you have managed to train your mind to process your thoughts slowly and neatly boxed, you likely have a monkey brain too! Like many folks in the world today, I am trying to explore this and learn how I can help make sacred space in there, to be able to look at things more closely when they happen. To ground me. To become an observer vs. reactor. Not easy! Thoughts jump from one to another at a lightning pace, and quietening them enough to just "be", is a challenge.
So I recently committed to creating a daily meditation practice. I can't even begin to tell you how life-changing this one shift has been for me. I cannot wait to get to my mat in the morning and tune in. I am only a few weeks in, and already, I feel the fresh air and clarity in my jungle of a brain! For that time, every day, I have created a sacred space for myself. I live in the moment. I surrender to everything and just trust that in those 30 minutes, what needs to happen, will. And it does! It truly is bringing me a sense of peace and a grounding that I don't fully understand yet. But I am loving this journey. I feel at home. In the beginning, I honestly felt it would be just another "thing" to add to my daily list of must-dos, and busy mind. And I felt tired thinking of it. Hah! Boy was I in for a lesson. It IS a thing I have added to my list of must-dos, but now, from a place of gratitude and curiosity, and reverence.
I recently went to visit a friend's father, to do a Legacy Writing for him. It was early on in my practice, so I worried if I would be able to keep it up. I did. I made space to do my practice every day that I was away. Three days on the deck of a friend's beach home. Then 2 more days on the bed of the home I was visiting to do the writing. I proved to myself that I could create a mental sacred space for myself each day, anywhere, and still engage fully with whatever came after. In the past, my experience has been procrastination, dread, and indifference with "must-dos". But this? This, I look forward to every day now. I start my day more grounded vs. scattered. I also thought it would be burdensome doing it on zoom. But it's been the opposite! I meet every day with a like-minded group of women, and though we are 4 hours apart in the world, we show up, and tune in, and awaken ourselves a little more each day. It fills me with hope and possibility!
There may be other ways to create this mental sacred space for yourself, but if you have yet to find it, I highly encourage you to explore meditation. There are numerous ways to meditate, so take yourself on a field trip and dig around until you find the one that suits you. I would highly recommend Sam Harris, for those of you who are convinced you cannot meditate. You can. And he breaks it down beautifully, simply and directly for you. He has an app called Waking Up. The link is below. It is a 50-day practice, and then he has many other ones you can follow. Currently, I am gratefully and open-heartedly practicing with White Raven Collective, on Salt Spring Island, BC. I will be featuring them and also Enso Learning next month when I complete the 3-month virtual retreat that I am on with the CEO, the amazing Dori Howard! Yes! Go ahead and google the hell out of them. You will not be sorry! And I will bet you will find something that speaks to you, amongst both of their programs.
Whatever you do, begin baby-stepping your way towards creating some mental sacred space for yourself. It will create a portal into the next sacred space ~where you can do the work of seeing and experiencing your emotions differently.
Emotional Sacred Space ~ I am also currently creating this space for myself. A little more each day. This is a little something that happened to me last night and is an entry that I shared in the retreat I mentioned above.
"So, I had this image as I went to bed last night...me, shrouded in a cloud of emotion. Like the character Pigpen on the Charlie Brown shows. Just moving through life with this cloud, full of every emotion. Swirling, and loud, and ever-present. Quite out of control to be honest. And sure, I would stop and deal with any crisis ones. Or negative ones when they were deafening, and certainly I had moments of joy and happiness as well. But it was like this huge, loud, uncontrolled bubble of emotion that I carried around behind, beside and all around me. And I saw it so clearly!! My anxiety was on fire yesterday!
When I woke up this morning, the definition of this cloud had morphed into an enormous and heavy bag. A container. And I have to tell you, before meditating, I sat on my mat, closed my eyes, and consciously dropped the bag with a resounding thump! I cried. I knew I was starting to make a meaningful space where I could explore all of my emotions, without being lost in them. I meditated and chanted through tears of relief and joy.
I acknowledged that bag. Thanked it for its lessons. And I told every emotion in that bag, that it was worthy, important, and valuable to me. I also told it, that I would start listening, and hearing what each specific one had to say. The messages they were sharing with me if I chose to listen. I reassured it that as I move forward, I would no longer be taking it with me.; but to not panic and be fearful of that. That I was unpacking ALL the emotions, and giving them air (No one left behind, and all holding equal value, no matter if they were negative or positive). Room to grow, and teach and be present in my life. That I would honor each as they accompanied me, and hold space for each so that they could visit whenever they wanted. That there was no need to hijack me, panic me, or scream until finally heard. They would be heard. ( I can see I will have to reassure them quite often, until we get the hang of it more consistently, lol)
I feel lighter today. My heart, my soul, my mind. Metaphorically and visually dropping that bag to the ground, and releasing it has been so powerful! The daily practice of meditation is changing my life. Clichè, perhaps. But honest nonetheless. I can't wait to connect in the morning with myself, with the community there, and its' strong and resilient women leaders and fellow truth seekers.
It calls me to create space here. In my own community. And I don't know what that looks like yet, but it's emerging, and I have avoided this "taking up soulful arms" for so long. I believe that somewhere in me, I have always known that my purpose is around leading, sharing, creating space, with, and for women. Yet fear, some deep-rooted shame, and that "who do you think you are?" self-limiting belief, factored in until I would push it back and down.
But this daily tuning in, this communing with like-minded people, is forcing whatever is coming, up, up and up, and I can no longer deny it. I don't want to deny it. I want to embrace it. All the feelings about it. All the lessons that are coming my way (I wish I would have experienced school this way, haha).
When you surrender to what is
and so become fully present,
the past ceases to have any power.
The realm of Being, which had been obscured by
the mind, then opens up.
Suddenly, a great stillness arises within you,
an unfathomable sense of peace.
And within that peace, there is great joy.
And within that joy, there is love.
And at the innermost core, there is the sacred,
the immeasurable, That which cannot be named.
~Eckhart Tolle~
Creating emotional space for ourselves, to live, commune, and be with all the emotions that arise in us, is so important. It is in this sacred space where we can explore, and ask questions of each emotion, and discover what they have to say and teach us. If we invite them in, vs. tamp them down, we can have a conversation with them and learn with more clarity about what is happening in the moment for us. Like anything, this takes practice and time. But it is time well spent, friends. We look to balance all things in our life, and emotions are no different. To be angry is just that. To be angry. Simple. An emotion. We can look to see what the anger is about, without it hijacking us and carrying us into all sorts of imagined conversations. And that is the same for all emotions. Balance. Learning about your emotional agility is such a gift, and I highly recommend it. At nearly 56, I am coming into this with more consistency and honest awareness. It's never too late, and that's important! We often deny ourselves shifting, even a little because "we're too old now", "it's too late", "set in our ways", or a myriad of other excuses we throw up to avoid sitting in the discomfort of emotion. That discomfort though is a highly fertile garden, full of some of the most beautiful and unexpected blooms, and it should not be denied to anyone. Most certainly not by ourselves. When you begin creating this sacred space, you also will begin creating space for your spiritual experience.
Spiritual Sacred Space ~ Spiritual sacred spaces are abundant and familiar to us in the form of places to worship. Churches, synagogues, temples, etc., are the choices of organized religions. But these are not what I am talking about here. I speak about spiritual sacred space, as space that already exists within you. But again, with the busy lives we lead, unresolved issues we carry around like its our job, and usually a healthy dose of fear, it becomes shrouded. So think of this space, as one that you already have. No need to create it. But it's a space often covered up first, as we pile up our expectations, beliefs, and fears like a clothes horse. This is usually a space we need to work to return to. A space where your heart, soul and mind are engaged together, with something bigger than yourself.
Things we cannot explain but feel deeply, are part of our spirituality. I can't explain why I feel an indescribable divinity when I am surrounded by nature. I just know it's bigger than me. I trust in the Universe as that which is bigger than myself. I am "tuned in" and connected to this space when I am by the ocean. When I hike. When I walk in the forest. There is a profound sacredness that people experience when they are caught in moments of awe of what the natural world exhibits. Majestic mountains, gushing waterfalls, wide-open prairies, and the powerful, yet soothing oceans that surround us. You can't explain it; you just know it's bigger than you. When moments happen that you cannot explain, but are astonished by, that is sacred space. As simple as " I need some patio furniture", and it arrives in your life, shortly thereafter, through a friend moving. Or as profoundly as "I wish my mum was here to talk to", and a Cardinal shows up in your forest/tree outside your window. Bigger than you.
When my father phoned me to tell me my mother was terminal with cancer, I hung up the phone, and in the dark, headed for the beach. I sat and sobbed, and listened to the waves rhythmically restore my racing heart and breath. This was my spiritual sacred space. When I knew I lost my first son, I was in Australia. I was in nature, by the ocean, when I knew what was to come. Later, in the hospital, my child was "sung to the stars" by a woman in my hospital room. I did not know her and did not speak to her. I was voiceless. But there she was. Singing him to the stars for me and easing my grief momentarily. Divinity unexplained. When I got the news that my second son was going to be lost, I was with my cousin who moved me through the entire experience with strength, and a knowing that I cannot explain. That I don't think she could explain. The moment was bigger than us. When I was about to lose my third son, I stood in the Atlantic ocean and felt rooted, and knew the pain of loss was coming again. I felt supported by the indescribable connection between my husband and I. By nature. By the universe. And by all women who came before me, and endured and moved through this profound grief. All bigger than me. A knowing that, when you are in that space, the words are difficult to find.
Equal in profoundness, but more positive, when my girls were born....well, the sacred space created there....way bigger than me! When I watch a sunrise or a sunset, I am in my spiritual sacred space. When the light of dusk casts its magic, anywhere I am in the world, this too is my spiritual sacred space. When I looked into the eyes of my grandson, for the first time, (and forevermore), I was/am in my spiritual sacred space. Moments where time seems to stand still and senses are heightened. I believe everything we need, lives within us. We are complete when we arrive on this side of the womb. Yet we get so distant from this truth. It gets covered by all the muck of life that we get busy with. Historical and often repeated stories of well meaning parents, worry, fear, grief. World events, loss. Surviving. Many of us self medicate to numb our emotions. In our need to believe that we have control over everything, we end up out of control. We engage in behavior that is so distant from our spiritual selves. We jeopardize our health. We get lost. Want to capitulate. Feel hopeless. So yes, though this most sacred space lives within us all, we find ourselves more and more distant from it. So many inner resources that are untapped because most of us have been focused on navigating the expectations, the shoulds, the everyday trials that tax our energy and emotions.
So today, seek out that sunset, or sunrise. And just stand there and "be" with it. In it. Be quiet. Breathe. And you will start re-connecting to and reclaiming your very own spiritual sacred space. Then start returning again and again to these experiences. Baby steps. Give yourself the gift of time to gently begin uncovering that radiance. It's waiting for you to start peeling away all the layers of stories you have told yourself over the years. Peeling away the past traumas, the hurts, the fears, the worries, and just the everyday slog that has piled up inside of you, covering that sacred space. Truly, as your inner light begins to peek through again, you will see...it will be bright, and bigger than you, friend, and it will be beautiful!
INVITATION
There is a lot in this post. Lots of spaces to explore. I invite you firstly to not become overwhelmed with the content. These are just possible areas for you to explore. Meant to be done over time, with no endpoint. So please don't focus on the finite end game. There isn't one. Baby step your way in each sphere. Start small. Just notice. Then yes, one baby step...
Physical Space ~ spend some time becoming aware of your physical environment. Look through the lens of "Hmm, where is my little space that I can create for myself." Take time to find it and then be open to it changing locations until you find what works for you. Next, ask yourself "What will I put in my space?" Again, start with what you have. But ensure it reflects YOU. And finally, ask yourself "What boundaries will I create around my space?" Be firm with them, but not militant. Always be open and fluid to changing them. For you will be growing, transforming, and changing in your space, and so it makes sense that location, elements, and boundaries will as well. One baby step...
Mental Space ~ Begin by becoming aware that you have a monkey brain. We are wired this way. And start looking at how you can settle this little guy down. What practices could you engage in that would assist in bringing some peace to your brain? Mine is meditation. I can't share enough how life-changing this is becoming for me. As I said, there are many ways to meditate. But explore the different ways and be open. My preference is Kundalini. There is chanting, and breathwork involved, that all work together to calm your brain and habitual ways of thinking, as it gives your mind something specific to focus on. I know others who prefer to just sit and be quiet and let their thoughts arrive and leave again. To just observe. Explore information on breath work and how it assists us physically to bring calm and also energy to our bodies. And still, there are walking meditations, ways to meditate in a crowded room when you need to recenter or ground yourself. Just stay open and committed to finding what works best for you. There are many online courses. Free offers. With COVID, the internet has exploded with offers. Invest in yourself. You are worth the time you put in on this, and the rewards are undeniable. One baby step...
Emotional Space ~ This may be the most challenging for you. We have lifelong lessons and beliefs that we grew up with, around our emotions. And as you explore your own emotions, those beliefs and stories will likely pop up in the form of your ego, to tell you that you should/shouldn't/must/must not feel what you feel. Unresolved issues from your past may pop in to visit. So you must walk slowly through this space. With respect for whatever comes up in you. No end game remember, so just start by noticing. By putting a name to each emotion. And for some of us, this may be more challenging than you think. Try journaling. Writing down what we feel can often direct us in a more focused way, to what is happening inside ourselves. I learn a great deal about myself through journaling. Reassure yourself you can move through your emotions, to the other side, no matter its current power over you. Be open to learning the lessons that they carry with them, for you. They are truly some of our greatest educators! If at any time you are completely overwhelmed with emotions and find working through them is too much. This is unequivocally the time to reach for professional help and allow a Counsellor, Psychologist, or Psychiatrist to work with you to find your balance again. Allow relief to replace any shame that you may carry with you, about asking for help. Again, this subject of getting mental health assistance still struggles with taboo and stigma. The truth is, if you had a broken leg, you would seek medical attention immediately. Your mental health is equal to your physical health. One baby step...
Spiritual Space ~ I invite you to start by spending some quiet time remembering. Returning to memories that held awe and wonder for you. Remember that you already own this space, you just may have to work to find it again. Get reacquainted with what this feels like. Make space for it to shine and breathe again, in all its purest forms. Then start noticing when these moments arrive in your life. The Cardinals, a child's comment, a request or desire that you put out to the Universe, and it manifested. Sometimes they are so little that it is hard to see; but they are there. Go for a walk. Notice all the nature around you. Even in the city, yes. See the beauty in your neighbors' yard. Walk around some city parks. Walk on the beach and listen to the seagulls. Sit by a mountain stream. Park your car and watch combines at work, harvesting the food you eat. Create your own garden. Plant flowers, vegetables, fruiting trees, and bushes. Create feasts anywhere, for all of your senses. When I lived in Japan, I experienced Shinrin-yoku; the Japanese practice of forest bathing. So powerful for the spirit. You will find some sacred space in the forest, trust me. Explore that more in-depth. We can be so unaware of what is right in front of us. ( For instance, as I am writing this, I realized that I just missed my meditation this morning, despite having my alarm set.) I have been so focused on my blog. But that's okay, I will meditate alone, later. And I am in one spiritual space that felt more needed in the moment than my other spiritual space. Flow. be open and go with the flow! So yes, keep peeling those layers. You can reconnect with your sacred spiritual space, and when you do, I believe you will similarly commit to not allowing it to disappear again. It IS that powerful. It Is bigger than you. And it IS where the truth of you, at the heart of yourself, resides. Go for a visit! Wishing you all courage and hope, as you dive into creating and reconnecting to your sacred spaces. One baby step...
Sat Nam
Michele Shears
~ “You may not always have a comfortable life and you will not always be able to solve all of the world’s problems at once but don’t ever underestimate the importance you can have because history has shown us that courage can be contagious and hope can take on a life of its own.” – Michelle Obama. ~
LINKS
EnsoLearning ~ https://www.ensolearning.com/
White Raven Collective ~ https://www.whiteravencollective.com/
Sam Harris's Waking Up App ~
Forest Bathing ~ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stuZaKB9j7I
~ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=54Ik7i15uHk (This is a bit longer, but so worth the watch)!
~ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jPNll1Ccn0 (This is about the science behind it)